Is Dutch a great language for love? If you ask this question to Dutch people, then they’ll probably start to laugh… Somehow the idea that Dutch is the ultimate unromantic language (maybe after German) is a very persistent idea. When it comes to romance, then many other languages seem to sound so much better. Like French, Italian, Spanish or Portuguese. No wonder that it is very easy to come to the conclusion that when it comes to love, speaking Dutch will not give you so much love pleasure….
So here is an intriguing question: which language do you think is the best language for love? When you look at it in a very pragmatic way – read: Dutch way – then probably you’ll come to another conclusion…
Sure…. your heart may go wild while thinking how hot it would be if someone spoke Italian to you all night and all day, but… the right love language is of course – surprise, surprise – the language of your partner 🙂
It is a great idea to see Dutch as your love language, certainly if your partner is Dutch 🙂
Here is a funny thing… when people think of a great language for love, then not so many people – and you may be one of them – would think of Dutch. However, if important people in your life are Dutch, then it might be a good idea to reconsider your thoughts.
By the way, a love language is not only for romantic nights…. Something that is far more important at the end is how you go through every day life every day with your partner. Certainly if you communicate in English with your Dutch partner in English there is a lot to gain, even when normally you already understand each other while speaking in English.
Here is one strange thing about Dutch partners. They do not always encourage you to learn or speak Dutch. Then of course, it is attractive to believe that speaking Dutch is not that important, but… once you do speak Dutch you would notice a very important difference.
First of all, learning a new language is always the fastest way to discover and understand a new culture. The greatest benefit is that learning a new language forces you to look at life from a different perspective.
A love language is not just for romance!
Many of my students have told me many times that once they started to learn Dutch, somehow there was a positive shift in their relationship with their loved ones. For example, all of a sudden they could understand and appreciate the Dutch sense of humor. One of the most important things to understand is that if Dutch people like or love you, they will start to tease you. When Dutch people tease you a little bit, it is very easy to misinterpret it. Unfortunately, too many people see it as a personal attack and when you do this, it will not be very good for your relationship of course….
Have you also noticed that when you speak Dutch, you’ll get far more personal attention? Although many people can have conversations with you in English, you must have noticed that their attention for you quickly vanishes when other Dutch people enter the room. Quite often they start to laugh out loud and they seem to have a good time, but when you cannot join the conversation, then it is very easy to feel a bit excluded 🙁
So here is another challenging question… But please, be racially honest now… What happens if – for any reason – you believe that you do not get all the attention that you deserve? Does it feel positive or negative? Chances are high, that if people give you less attention, you like them a bit less, right? So here is the trick… if you like more attention, then give more attention and then it will work even better when you can say some things in Dutch!
Love is about being close….
Just for this reason alone, speaking Dutch is a very good idea. When you speak Dutch it simply means that you can do more things together. You can also connect more with all the people that are important for your partner. It is also a good thing to realize that if people speak their native language, then somehow it is easier to talk about things that really matter to them. Certainly if you talk about family or your feelings, you’ll notice a great difference when you speak in Dutch. Just by speaking Dutch you’ll notice how much easier it is to come much closer to people. It works everywhere the same in the world, and Dutch is no exception.
Here is one tip that is very important if you speak a new language. Simply assume that people probably have a positive intention when they say something to you, even if they say it in English. A question that might feel inappropriate in English could be warm and sincere in Dutch.
Some people don’t like it when Dutch people ask them if they miss their country. And although this question might be a bit painful at times, Dutch people in general do not have any malicious intention at all. They simply believe that other countries can be great too. For example, Dutch people tend to have a romantic picture of countries in Southern Europe. It reminds them of nice sunshine and great food, because Dutch people only visit these countries during Summer! Just in case that you have not discovered it, Dutch people love the sun. So the idea that you have abandoned so much sunshine from your country for a rainy country does not always make sense to them.
The trick is to love weird questions
So here is an important trick. Always keep it light when you answer this typical question. If you come from Spain for example, simply smile and say that you do miss the food and the tapas and… make sure that you say something positive about Holland as well… It could be something stupid like: I am closer to all these beautiful tulips now, or I can cycle everywhere…. It is always good to realize that most questions are not meant for deep psychological analysis, but for having some light conversations 🙂
Here is another one: if Dutch people ask you: hoe gaat het met je Nederlands (how is your Dutch going), then simply see it as an invitation to join the club. Dutch people in general don’t believe that learning another language is an impossible thing, so consider it as a recognition of your intelligence if they suggest that for you it is time to speak some Dutch. Contrary to what you may believe, it is the opposite of rejection. Just think about it, if they don’t see you as part of the Netherlands, they would not suggest to you that you could speak some more Dutch!
And… talking about love…. speaking the language of the country that you are in is always a sign of appreciation. It shows that you care about the culture of people and most important of all it also shows that you put time in it! Personally I have always noticed that it makes an important difference in any county whether you speak English or the language of that country. I love to go to Greece every summer and although many people speak English there, I notice that I have far more adventures if I speak Greek. When you speak the language of the country, you’ll always feel closer and that is always a great thing…
By the way, if you think of love then which language would be your love language?